I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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