Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
