I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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