I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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