i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
