operation have a gay friend backfired
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
