Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
