Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
