last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize