i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
