There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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