I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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