Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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