I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
