So drunk its hurt
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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