Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
