Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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