so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
