when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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