oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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