Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
