Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize