drinking out of a sandbucket again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
