We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
