i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm always down for nudity.
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