if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if only i could text you this smell
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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