Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
