Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
