He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
