i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
