waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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