I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
