Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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