I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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