i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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