This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
