But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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