I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
