How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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