He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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