billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
