You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
