My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
