My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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