Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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