Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize