We're like a lot better than the average bears
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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