About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
