My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
