the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
