Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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