What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
