I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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