there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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