I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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