He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
