i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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