I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
