Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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