Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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