Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
