I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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