One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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