Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
