a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
