I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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