Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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