i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
